Among other things, the last few days have been fabulous due to grand conversations with Doug, Kate and Morgs about life, the universe and everything, including a meandering conversation with Kate that started on the way to a goth club last night, continued on the way back from the afro-jazz-worldbeat place and then developed into a further conversation with Doug on the way around the Quartier Latin today.
The upshot of it is a challenging acknowledgement that there is a certain misogyny in the valorisation of masculine power through feminist upbringing – if we want power, we take on male roles and that includes a hatred of ‘feminine weakness’. It’s not exactly a self-loathing but there is a discomfort – and it’s similar to internalised homophobia but less frequently acknowledged. I’ve noticed it in the occasional comment to Doug when I apologise for wanting to colour-match things and squirm about my more feminine traits because I fear that I will be less valued, will lose standing immediately for expressing them.
It’s difficult to embrace femininity as a source of power. And that goes back to Kate and my initial discussion of the challenge of finding oneself, for whatever reason, in traditional roles where we are being supported by someone, however temporarily when we are otherwise achievement-based and powerful women, and what that means for our economic power and our cultural power and sense of self.