Safe in my belly, my little turtle,

Come venture into the light, my daughter

Amidst the chaos, her father caught her,

held her tight, so, tiny, poignant, mortal.

In the still night: you, the moon, the water.

Those first days were fire-filled, never hotter

Clear of sight, my nymph, my little angel,

Come venture into the light, my daughter

Now the days grow long, the nights grow shorter.

You gaze at the stars and do not startle

In the still night. You, the moon, the water,

the wild wind and rain that gives no quarter,

these will last the night and o’ercome this hurdle.

Come venture into the light, my daughter

This is your birthright, your brick, your mortar

Craft spells with me, touch flame to a candle

In the still night. You, the moon, the water:

Come venture into the light, my daughter.

One day, a tall, dark, handsome man from a faraway land wrote her a letter. He was very, very tall, a little bit dark, and very handsome. More importantly, though, he was kind and funny and brave and he liked cats. He played saxophone and although he didn’t live *in* a castle, he lived in a little town where they had a castle, and really, what more can you ask for these days?

After a little while of gently falling in love, Christina made a very big hard decision to go and live in the faraway land with the tall man (whose name was Niels) and all of her friends were very, very sad and very, very happy all at the same time. (At this point in the story, you may have to forgive any typos, because your narrator is having difficulty seeing the screen.)

After a while, they knew they had done The Right Thing, mostly because their pusska was very, very happy, and things like that are Signs. So, they bought a house of their very own on the edge of a forest, and Christina was the happiest she’d ever been. There were squirrels in the back yard, and birds that came to sing to her, and in winter there was snow on the trees and in summer there was laughing and market-days and when it rained, there was Mah-Jong.

Of course, no fairytale is complete without a wedding, so finally, when they didn’t think it could get any more perfect, they decided to get married. People came from all corners of the earth to the wedding, and there was a little bit of crying and a lot of grinning and there was cake. I wish I could finish this tale in the Ukrainian way, and tell you that I know all this because I was there and I drank honey-wine; it flowed over my beard, but didn’t get into my mouth. That’s not true, though, and not just because I don’t have a beard. I was on the other side of the world, making this present for the happy couple and may they live joyously from this day for the rest of their lives.

[I love you, 'stina. So happy for you both. Really wish I could have been there. Congratulations again! I couldn't have hoped for a better partner for my best friend. He's awesome.]

> lick the play gym

The play gym tastes blue. There is a rattle under the play gym.

> pick up the rattle

Done. A large azure lizard appears and attacks you.

> hit it with the rattle

The lizard retreats.

> look

You are lying on your back in a large lounge room. There is one exit to the south-west. Your mother is an enormous geek.

… and I wrote a new poem, 5am feed.

Enjoy.

I have sustained you with my body
amazing thought
your mouth to my breast
eyes locked with mine
filled with trust
tiny hands tracing
ancient angelic sigils
on my skin

your voice has changed
from the frail bird-like cry
of confusion and frank fear
to an outraged surprise
at banged heads, delayed feeds
and the indignity of swaddling

I don’t know why you giggle
when I put my face close to yours
close my eyes and say “boo!”
but like Pavlov’s mutt I return
repeatedly for my reward

And when, finally, you drift off
into sleep, your hands continue
to conduct vast celestial orchestras
calling new planets into being
with the flick of a wrist

books

• Movida Rustica
• poetry (Lorca, Neruda) with original poems on one side and translation on the other
• Neal Stephenson’s Baroque cycle
• really good SF (prefer paperbacks)
• cultural theory books

practical things

• terracotta food storage jars with old-fashioned labels
• blue towel set
• blue teatowels
• enormous deep purple bath towel

CDs

• Jazz (trying to learn what’s good)
• Blade Runner Soundtrack (replacement)
• The Mission soundtrack (replacement)
• Soundtracks: Eyes Wide Shut & Gattaca
• Jeff Buckley — sketches for my sweetheart the drunk (replacement)
• Romeo & Juliet soundtrack (replacement)
• Wipeout 2097 Soundtrack (replacement)
• Krless — Hudci Písních Nejstarich (Czech medieval music)

pretty things

• more oriental/middle eastern hanging things
• bubble bath, bath oils
• fancy food things
• earrings — amber or amethyst
• necklace — amber or garnet
• bracelets — amber

Concerts/Events
Port Fairy

DVDs

• John Safran: The Lost Pilot
• Free Enterprise
• Book of Life (That film with PJ Harvey as Mary Magdalene)
• Waking Life

Alcohol

• Chambord
• Good whisky
• Bombay Sapphire gin
• Dessert wines (botrytis semillon…)
• Good red wine, especially Merlot, GSM and Tempranillo
• Chartreuse
• Frangelico

Technology

• Speakers (Bose Companion III, $435; Harmon Kardon Soundsticks, $349)
• New VCR/DVD player

Items we’d like & online stores:

Real world stores

In Melbourne, shops that stock eco-friendly and fair trade toys are:

• Small Dreams
• Fairground Child

Some notes of caution

If you find something you think is just adorable and it isn’t on this list, there are a few things to watch out for:

• Doug is allergic to wool, fur and feathers. This means: no felt, no woollen toys.
• We’d prefer not to expose Harper to toxic chemicals, volatile organic compounds and other fun things. This means: choose wood and cotton first; no polyester filling or materials; ask whether the plastic toy is BPA-free; no PVC if it’s something she’ll hold or suck. Also, check “eco” toys carefully: we’ve found 100% silk items that are filled with silk, but covered in polyester and toys labelled Bamboo! in big letters that are actually 20% polyester.
• We suspect Harper is gluten- and dairy-intolerant. This means: check that the gluten-free food you buy is also dairy-free (no milk, no cream, no butter, no yoghurt).

Thank you for helping us create a loving and safe environment for our daughter.

PS: gifts to charities on her behalf are also a wonderful idea.

The discussion following this segment is terrific: robust, serious and exactly what is needed about these issues. At first I thought the issues were too complicated for me to distil into a post but I’ve just realised something vital. The first three jokes in the ad — about blacks, gays and Jews respectively — centre on the habit racists/homophobes/anti-Semitics have of murdering those they despise: they refer to historical events, sterilisation and forced abortion; ‘poofter bashings’ that lead to death; concentration camps. The fat chick joke — the ad aims to end shape discrimination by equating it with other forms of discrimination — centres on someone not sleeping with her, which is very different from kiling her.

The ad not only fails to make its point because its viewers are either too shocked bythe first jokes to make the needed connection or so prejudiced their views are simply reinforced but also because the equation is not actually made in the ad. Fat jokes are NOT equivalent to the other jokes because they do not call for the extermination of the target. Shape discrimination is enormously problematic and has similar emotional impact on the recipient; it may even be more isolating because there is no equivalent community to turn to as a haven in the way that blacks/gays/Jews have insular communities where they can reinforce positive psychological tropes; but it is not the same thing and I don’t think this ad works for all these reasons.

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